Every man follows a unique pattern, or paradigm, when it comes to approaching women and getting girls.
Let’s figure out what your dating paradigm says about you and how it affects your success.
Look, if you find yourself living a dimly effective paradigm, you should take the needed steps to change to a stronger paradigm.
Not only do you need to learn (and unlearn) a lot for a new paradigm, but you also have to believe in it when you’ve already known something different. Sometimes this is the most challenging aspect.
Remember, ego ain’t your amigo.
So now without any further ado, here are descriptions of 6 common dating paradigms.
Which one do you relate to the most?
1. I Will Seduce Her
This paradigm frames the girl as the prize.
It’s not a bad paradigm per se, but it’s not a home run either. It’s the most common dating paradigm among men.
These men are flatterers, taking pains to woo the woman and impress her. Don’t get me wrong, this ‘wooing’ concept can lead to a lot of self-development aspects that drive them to focus on fundamentals and game.
The problem with this paradigm is that it tends to make guys try too hard. The act of wooing becomes addictive instead of actually closing, even if only subconsciously. Some guys end up wooing harder and harder and just embarrassing themselves or the girl far more often than they actually pull.
Last I checked, women don’t find dancing monkeys particularly attractive.
2. She Will Seduce Me
This is the complete opposite of number one. It is a passive paradigm that frames you as the prize for her.
While it can be healthy for you to see yourself as the prize, the overall passivity of this paradigm can bite you in the ass.
As much as girls love a bad boy and will hit on you for being hard to get, you’ll likely be frustrated because they won’t hit on you all that much. This leaves you feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. You’ll wind up posing like a statue while girls pass you by.
Another huge downside to this paradigm is that you can’t use it unless you already know the girl through social contacts. Women just won’t approach you cold, unless you’re in a Ferrari or you look like Brad Pitt.
Women become a lot more comfortable to approach you only when it’s “warm”. Meaning, they already have some basic information about you and also know that their peers trust you at least a little bit. If, however, you can get yourself into these situations — then this could be a great paradigm for you!
The ultimate downside of this paradigm is that it goes against most guys’ nature to be at least somewhat proactive in dating. Most guys with a normal sex drive would probably get super frustrated and even depressed by waiting around forever.
So unless you have solid friend groups with substantial female populations, or are a ‘celebrated’ (or just rich) person, then tread lightly with this paradigm.
3. I Will Conquer Her
This is the twisted cousin of number 1 — the Wario to Mario of dating paradigms.
Don’t get me wrong, it is still proactive and frames the woman as the prize. The difference is that it’s more imposing than persuasive.
You’re THE aggressive Alpha with a killer instinct.
Some women love this approach and find it exciting, but others straight up hate it. Having a conqueror’s mentality can work well (especially in the bedroom), but it’s not an easy path because many women may resist it, whether genuinely or because they feel it’s expected of them as they don’t want to appear slutty.
On the flip side, the women who like this approach do so because they see the man as self-assured, aggressive and dominant. It also makes them feel like they must be desirable and attractive to him, and this can be more than enough for some women to sink their teeth into.
Still, this paradigm has obvious flaws, not least of which is that it is prone to causing offense. Luckily, there are other paradigms you may be able to learn instead.
4. She Will Conquer Me
There are two types of passive gamers.
– Totally passive: this paradigm is usually adopted by loner dudes, who may have some friends but are generally quite withdrawn and held back from most other people. These guys live differently and really won’t lift a finger to pursue a woman.
Only women who fall for their eccentricity will have the means to pursue them as aggressively as it requires to conquer them. Some guys are so aloof that this is the only woman who can have them. Sometimes the girls may even wonder if these guys are asexual.
They aren’t as rare as people think, because they tend to do much of their living unnoticed. They end up with women who are happy (or at least willing) to take the lead in their relationship and continuously stay after them.
– Semi-passive: this is a somewhat more active variation where the guy is still withdrawn but who at least gives basic signals of approval and does a little bit of the work in the relationship.
In either case, this paradigm is obviously not very successful.
Most women are unwilling or unable to pursue men, at least not in such a direct and obvious way. Don’t get me wrong, women do chase after guys all the time, but most aren’t willing to do it in a way that casts them as the pursuer in the most literal, direct ways.
Traditionally, this has been the domain of men.
That being said, this paradigm can work for some guys some of the time. This paradigm can breed passionate relationships, when they actually form. Some guys have personalities that suit them well to this paradigm, but they don’t want to be lonely and ignored by women.
While living this paradigm will likely make at least some women secretly yearn for you, most of them will be too shy/offended/confused to pursue you.
So if you do live in this paradigm, you’ll need to do a lot of work to make sure women stay in your orbit for long periods of time despite not receiving many clear signals from you.
You’ll need to make sure women know it’s worth it to put in the time and work with you, which is hard to do from the confines of the paradigm.
5. She Will Select Me
This paradigm can be proactive or passive, but it always frames the girl as the prize.
Many guys in this paradigm still go out and game. The difference is that their mentality is that they want to be picked over other guys.
In this paradigm, the man wants the woman’s approval over other men. The positive of this paradigm is that it motivates guys to go out there and game.
Guys will work very hard to be ‘picked’, and in this paradigm it’s more about seduction than outcompeting other guys. In fact, many of the best pickup artists operate from this paradigm.
The drawback is that women end up on a pedestal, and she holds perhaps an unacceptable amount of power over you. She may not ‘pick’ you enough, or she may manipulate you badly using her power over you.
For this reason, it’s best not to settle into this paradigm. It’s good enough for most guys, but if you really want to Gameasy, you should shift into other paradigms.
You won’t be an outcome independent, empowered man if you are overly influenced by women’s approval.
6. I Will Select Her
This is the King’s paradigm, if you will.
In this paradigm, you’re the boss. You pick the girls you like.
Wait, what if the girl doesn’t pick you back? Well, whatever. Her loss, not yours.
Obviously you’re still able to make adjustments, but you’re still totally at ease with the process. The King has an unshakable frame control. He feels like he’s the best, so he doesn’t get bent out of shape when a girl thinks he’s lame.
There’s plenty of women in his kingdom, after all.
More than the other paradigms, this one is probably the hardest to learn. It can only really be developed through dating success and your own inner game. In other words, you need to do great with girls to maintain this and you also need to be mentally invested in the paradigm itself.
Regardless of your situation, though, it’s best to aim for this paradigm above all the others.
Because this is the Gameasy level.
Now it may be hard to believe some of these paradigms actually exist and are practiced widely, but they are. I mean, it’s a big world out there…
Hopefully this article helped you identify some of your own paradigms in your dating life. It could be you have it within you to work toward a new, more effective paradigm somewhere in your life.
You may come to see the world differently.
You may even Gameasy.