Approach anxiety is a beast, because if it wasn’t, nobody would get a moment’s peace.
Now the thing is, people naturally worry about whether what they’re saying to someone is ‘good’ enough to merit saying.
We worry about saying the wrong thing and annoying them and embarrassing ourselves. Sometimes this is a good impulse, because it stops us from bothering others with dumb statements.
But approach anxiety can also ruin your dating life.
Since approach anxiety is (or should be) natural to you, it’s smart to develop a game plan for dealing with it.
Here’s 3 secrets to help flip your approach anxiety into approach excitement.
1. No Game? No Home.
This is a great way to force yourself to do something even if it makes you really uncomfortable.
We all know how disturbing it is to be unable to access your home for whatever reason. And you know what? Might as well let your own mind be that reason, for the sake of game.
Set game goals and then deny yourself access to your place.
Chances are, you’ll either get the task done or break your pledge to stay out of the house. To avoid the dishonour of doing that, be sure to set your goals properly.
Don’t make them dependent on anyone’s actions/reactions but your own, and don’t set goals that are too difficult for you to accomplish.
For instance, you might set the goal of “make X number of approaches”, “ask for X number of phone numbers”, etc. Now X should be a reasonable number.
The common denominator is that all these goals depend pretty much entirely on you alone.
All this isn’t to say that reaction-dependent goals are bad goals. They are difficult goals because they depend on outside factors largely outside of your control. But largely doesn’t mean entirely.
Reaction-based goals are worth pursuing and prioritizing, but not all the time and definitely not before you’ve mastered the basics. That’s why you shouldn’t set reaction-based goals until you’re at least intermediate.
Otherwise, you’re likely setting yourself up for failure and excessive frustration, and these are not ideal conditions for learning and progress.
2. Momentum is King
This is a form of ripping off the band aid. Whenever you see somebody that you know you’re going to want to approach, don’t waste anytime.
Get it done ASAP.
Doing this consistently gets your momentum building. Like momentum, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Whether it’s day game or night game, there are always people around that you can talk to, even just a little bit.
A follow-up to this rule is that you shouldn’t let yourself stay silent for more than two minutes, because if you do, you’ll lose momentum, and from there you could fall into a downward spiral.
It’s easier to maintain and increase your momentum then it is to regain it once you’ve lost it. The two-minute rule is an effective way to get into the Game Zone.
3. If… Then
This method involves choosing a main goal, and then setting a secondary goal as well.
The main goal should be very simple and direct, because it’s the goal that doesn’t depend on your actual approach outcome.
The secondary goal is the goal you set in case your approach is a success. The dependent goal depends on having a good result, and kicks in only then.
Basically, the main goal is based on what you can control, and your secondary focuses on what you can’t control.
Therefore, make all your primary actions be about the things you do have control over (such as what you say, what you do, etc). If your behaviour depends on the girl showing a lot of interest, then you’ll get uncomfortable at the first sign she isn’t.
If however your primary focus is on your own behaviour and your own approach, irrespective of the woman’s response, then you can focus on presenting the best version of you that you can muster.
Since you are in control of most of your behaviours, you will adopt an attitude of confidence and know-how which will reduce your approach anxiety and make you more attractive to women.
That being said, you also need a secondary goal. You need to make sure you don’t get distracted by your main goal to the point where you’re not even paying attention to what the girl is doing.
The whole point of focusing on what you can control is to improve your opportunities with women. If you’re too focused on performing well yourself, then you won’t know how to just chill in the glow of a woman’s approval when you do have it.
That’s why you need to be able to pivot in what’s known as the “if-then” method. This basically means that IF the girl is highly receptive, THEN you’ll drop all your gaming self-discipline and just go with it, and you’ll abandon your goal to perform well in front of women.
In other words, you’ll drop all your gaming moves if she’s hot for you, because these moves are there to make her hot for you, not for when she already is.
So you will have two paths to goal accomplishment and fulfillment: one you control and one that depends on luck. Your main goal should be do-able, meaning they are challenging without being discouraging.
This way works because it gets you taking approach actions which increase the chances of finding someone who is into you. It pushes your ultimate goal far away into a dependent realm, leaving you much more in control.
Just as important, it allows you to feel like a success even if you didn’t come close to your ultimate goal of scoring.
That being said, if the secondary goal doesn’t happen, you need to remain focused on your primary goal and accomplish it at all costs.
If your primary goal is to make ten approaches in a day, you need to fulfill that goal no matter what—unless, of course, you meet a girl who is hot for you.
These tips are more useful to those who already are established in game.
They are momentum builders to overcome lingering approach anxiety.
And remember, Gameasy.